You have something to say. It is short, clear, and mildly uncomfortable. That is a problem.
Select your situation below and the platypus will convert your honest sentence into professional-grade corporate language — longer, softer, and completely impossible to act on. Nobody will know what you meant. Nobody will be upset. Nothing will change. This is called alignment.
Pick a situation above and the platypus will make it worse.
What you actually meant
Buzzword Density™0%
*Calculated by a platypus who has never held a job and cannot count past four.
🦦 PLATYPUS PRO TIP
The secret to corporate language is that every sentence must contain a verb that used to be a noun. "Action." "Sunset." "Workshop." I do not have hands, so I cannot action anything, but I have found that saying it out loud still buys me roughly nine seconds of respect before anyone checks.
If someone asks what you meant, simply repeat the sentence more slowly. This is called clarifying.
Satisfied Communicators
"I needed to tell my roommate to do the dishes. I told him we should de-risk the sink backlog before it becomes a bandwidth conversation. He said 'okay' and did nothing. Six weeks later the dishes are still there, but we've never argued once."
— Marcus T., Roommate
"I used this to decline a dinner invitation. My friend replied asking if she should send a calendar invite. We have been going back and forth for eleven days. I have not had to say no."
— Priya R., Conflict Avoider
"Told my eight-year-old we needed to align on the horizontal pivot before we slip the wake-up window. She asked what that meant. I said it again louder. She went to bed out of confusion. Ten out of ten."
— Aspen McSnowface, Parent
Ready to Communicate Nothing?*
You already know what you want to say. This makes sure nobody else does